People who love to be sick11/3/2023 ![]() Being chronically ill can cause problems as minor as finding crackers in the grocery aisle with no added chemicals to getting the care you need when semi-conscious, alone, and in the care of an ER team who’s never heard of your diagnoses. If practice makes perfect, then facing daily barriers makes extremely proficient problem solvers. They stand up for others (when energy permits) and can reach beyond the differences that too often divide us. They can see it in others and the world around them. They know pain, fear, isolation, stigmatization, and discrimination. I often find that sick friends are oozing with empathy. EmpathyĪny struggle in life creates space in your brain to understand the struggles of others. We can then choose whether to dig into why it’s tough or just move on with our day. How are you today?” We laugh and acknowledge that yes, things are really tough. One friend’s response when asked “How are you?” tends to be “Everything is terrible and I’m dying. Not that they dump heavy stuff on me without warning (I’ve discussed the importance of finding the right space for sharing the heavy stuff here), but they are often more honest from moment to moment. I love sick friends who just cut to the chase and say it how it really is. You know that feeling when someone asks “How are you?” and your brain is screaming “Honestly, not so good!” but what comes out of your mouth is “Good! You?” Few moments make me feel more isolated than when I feel terrible but tell someone I’m fine. ![]() Honest communicationĪnother reason I connect so much easier with sick friends is that I can communicate more honestly with them. My sick friends have all felt isolated at some point, so they are eager to make connections and are expressive of their appreciation for my friendship. I share a story and see their heads nod in understanding. They know so much about my experience without me having to explain. I revel in my sick friends today who seem to just get me. ![]() Whatever the reason, that feeling of true connection often evaded me. Maybe it was just my extreme introversion. I don’t know whether it was feeling different than my peers or the shame I carried from my symptoms being deemed “disgusting” by those who discovered them. In recognition of these incredible spoonies, I’d like to share with you the top 5 reasons why I love my sick friends with the hope that this can help you find a support network of your own: 1. And the communities of sick and disabled folks I’ve found myself in have been loving, warm, and supportive. They are some of the best communicators I’ve met, whether by necessity or as a by-product of the therapy prescribed by doctors. They have empathy to match mine but have had to learn boundaries out of self-preservation. Sick friends have been an incredible support network for me and have become some of my best friends They get me on so many levels. Perhaps the greatest side effect of illness is the people I’ve met. Years of pain gave me a deep pool of empathy. I am proud of my disabilities and the creativity I’ve built by having to work with them. The list of wishes and grief feels endless in those weeks when I’ve been slogging through a flare with no end in sight. I need to turn to my sick friends who understand.īut when I’m on an upswing, there are times when I actually wouldn’t change it. I wish I could have energy, that I could eat whatever foods I want and socialize without crashing. There are many times when I look at my life, at all the joys I’ve had to forgo and the thankless work I put in to simply make it through the day, and I wish I could change it all.
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